Thursday, October 3, 2013

Separation

It was a long day at work,but I felt productive and had no especially stressful issues, but I was ready to be home. I took care of some minor automobile problems when I got home and talked with the wife and son, but I needed some private space.  So the dog and I went out in the yard on a warm evening when darkness came quickly, and crickets were calmly making their melodies.
I've had my hammock hanging in the aspen grove since August, but hadn't had a chance to enjoy it until tonight.
So, there I am, lying in my hammock in the dark, but my eyes have had a chance to adjust, so I can see the silhouettes of the aspens and a white pine against the twilight sky.  I'd heard coyotes earlier, but now it's just the crickets and leaves falling and the occasional vehicle on the highway down in the valley.  I'm just swinging gently, almost ready to doze, but certainly ready to relax . . .
. . . and my cell phone rings.  I should have left that thing in the house.  But I can see that it's a number I've seen before, and it's someone trying to sell me something.  So I push the number one and wait for a real person to come on the line.  The woman at the other end, once she picks up the connection, tells me I can get cheaper electricity, so I ask if they have sustainable options.  She says "it doesn't matter" and I tell her it matters to me.  So she refers me to her supervisor, who asks me what is my question.  I tell him I want to know what sustainable options they have, and he tells me they have ten percent.  So I say that's not good enough, and tell him they've called me repeatedly but I've never talked with a real person until now, and I want them to stop calling me.  He quickly says "goodbye" and hangs up before I get a chance to unload my frustration.  Damn it.
Lying in the hammock, letting my eyes get used to the semi-darkness again, feeling better.  Crickets serenading again.  Feeling good.
Then I hear a truck and see the headlights, and I'm on my feet, frustrated at the intrusion.  Again.  The truck turns around briskly in the bus turn-around and speeds back down the road.
I moved here with my wife twenty-five years ago, to get away from intrusions.  Back then we had people on four-wheelers driving right past the house, and hunters presuming to hunt in our yard, who I had to turn away, repeatedly, in person.  Once, I even cocked my gun as loudly as possible to emphasize my demand that they move on, immediately.
I remember a night thirty-three years ago.  I was living alone in a small house sixteen miles from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and was just falling asleep when someone pulled up in my front yard.  I was wearing boxer shorts.  Just boxer shorts.  I grabbed a hatchet, turned on my porch light, and stepped out, yelling "get out of here!"  They probably thought I was nuts.  In that moment, I was.  I wanted to be left alone.  Same thing tonight.
Most of the time, I'm pretty long-suffering.  But not tonight.  Sometimes I think we didn't move far enough out of town.  My wife and son don't agree.  Maybe it's finally time for me to have my wife drop me off on the Finger Lakes Trail, thirty miles or so from here, and just wait for me to find my way home.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


Okay, you walked to my house in the heat of the day, so you were thirsty.  I never would withhold water from a thirsty man, and I don't mind that you entered my house to get some.
You came to my house because you were frightened, but you came when you knew I'd be at work, and didn't bother to use my telephone to call and tell me you were in my home?!  But what if my wife or son had come home to find you in our home?
So I come home from work to find you in my yard and you tell me your troubles.  No problem, but I had things I needed to do, and the following day is my wedding anniversary.  Then I see you have one of my beers in your hand.  Okay, one beer.  I won't begrudge you that.
I make some telephone calls for you and my wife feeds you supper.  Then I drive you to a place where you can stay for a while and get your equilibrium.  But only when I ask directly, do you admit that you had not one, but six, of my beers in my absence.  You say it was because you were bored?!
Seriously, is there a problem here?
What violence lies in a heart so troubled that the actual and bloody injury, dismemberment, and killing of others is in any way satisfying? 
I suppose every heart has been angry and momentarily wished violence upon those who have wronged it. 
Depending on the person, such feelings are acted out on a limited scale, and a festering feud ensues. Sometimes they are subdued and harbored for long periods of time without their being enacted. They may linger for a time, but subside with meditation upon their potentialities, in the passage of time. In other cases, they are abandoned in favor of forgiveness and hope for reconciliation or, if nothing else, a conscious separation from those who have inflicted hurt upon the person.
But how is it that a person -- the breathing, walking, talking, former freight of a woman's womb, who entered life entirely dependent upon others -- actually carries those awful fantasies to fruition, with calculation and malevolence, upon persons both legion and unknown? This is beyond my ability -- or even my desire -- to imagine.
Yet I must ponder it:
Whether due to a congenital malformation or the result of traumatic experience, whatever causes malevolence to be the natural product of a human soul, is a tragedy larger than that single life, because no human life is isolated from others.  
How can we prevent this violence?  We must be vigilant in every possible way, from considering the words which issue from our mouths, to considering how we respond to those wrongs done to us; from deciding whom we elect to represent us, to being mindful of the mental and emotional states of our family, friends, and neighbors, and even the stranger we encounter on the street.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

A Sad State


Someone I know just posted an item on Facebook in which they stated they agree with a single sentence quoted from Vice President Joe Biden, which they interpret to mean that we can do nothing to save lives lost to gunfire?  In the next breath, Biden said there were things we COULD do that would not infringe upon Second Amendment rights that would help to reduce the likelihood of people dying.  The Vice President was obviously saying nothing could be done to GUARANTEE that no-one else would die unnecessarily, but that reasonable actions COULD be taken.
This same "friend" of mine had JUST accused someone else of taking a quote out of context, in which they quoted Jefferson and others as saying that this is not a Christian nation.  Sheesh.
Anyone who is satisfied with the idea that we can do NOTHING to prevent innocent people from dying at the hands of people with guns, is in a sad state.
Furthermore, this is the same person who not long ago agreed with another "conservative" on Facebook, that dialoguing with me on Facebook had reinforced their views and made them glad they were "conservatives".  Both of these men continue to regard me congenially, and I don't think they intended to insult me, but it was a slap in the face, nevertheless.  My efforts to engage in reasonable discussions on real issues, had only caused them to double down on their self-inflicted ignorance?  If it only produces the backfire effect -- meaning that people react to disconfirming evidence by strengthening their previous beliefs -- then I guess I'm done dialoguing with them.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Don't mess with my mother (the Earth)!!

People who don't care about the environment are motherf&%#ers.
Bertrand Russell said "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." How correct he was. I won't even say that he is "right" because I refuse to use right as a synonym for correct, and this takes me directly to my point. So-called right-wing conservatives are so certain that their views must prevail, that this is how our social and political culture has been pushed further and further to the "right". So-called liberals generally are more willing to allow doubts into conversations that a pattern of push-and-acquiesce has been established. The right pushes some point, and the left says "well, perhaps there is room for compromise" and then it's repeated again and again until the entire spectrum is moved to the right, leaving those at the left end, almost literally out on a limb. As a metric of this change, consider how Barry Goldwater was regarded by those on the left, as being radically to the right of the political spectrum, but now could be viewed as a moderate. This is true with regard to discussions not only of politics, but of science and our very survival.

It's up to us

I was raised by a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the daughter of another. I was raised in a home in which we did not turn on the television on Saturday because it was understood to be a day of rest which God commanded us to observe. I was raised by parents who believed that violence was evil. Our parents lived on a pastor's salary and our father drove school bus and raised bees for their honey and did whatever he could to supplement that salary. Churches who called him to serve provided Dad with a home while in their employ, but had he not inherited his mother's home, I don't know that he would have been able to retire to a home he owned. Our parents spent much of their lives trying to be of service to people even less fortunate than themselves.

Even as a teenager, I was troubled by things which those in church kept saying, which didn't bear out in reality. Like when people said that God would not let you be faced with more than you can handle. But some people do lose it, some do die in the worst possible circumstances, like soldiers in battle. Or like the man I helped search for, who was found months later, just outside our search area. He had died alone, in the cold, when his daughter had gone for help and could not find her way back to him. At least one of the Psalms says God will punish the wicked and the arrogant and the evil ones. It is clear that the wicked reach out and take what they want, and it is rare that one is punished. Innocent, faithful people, on the other hand, contract terrible diseases, are wrongly convicted of crimes, are abused by those they trust, and even murdered. Consider Stevie Ray Vaughan, who had just gotten his life together after overcoming drug addiction, who died in a helicopter crash at the apex of his career. Or George Harrison, who encouraged his band-mates and fans to take personal spiritual journeys rather than just focusing on pleasures, and who organized the first celebrity fundraiser concert for Bangladesh when it had been ravaged both politically and by flooding, but died of throat cancer at the age of 58. Or Abraham Lincoln, who would have been more compassionate toward the Confederate States than those who succeeded him. Or Robert F. Kennedy, who started his career in the service of Joseph McCarthy but became an advocate for the unfortunate and would probably have been the next President of the United States. Or James A. Garfield, who was nominated for President almost by accident, was a most beloved President, and died because of the intransigence of American doctors to accept the idea that antiseptics could save lives. At least his death (and the encouragement of a woman who hoped for the best from him) resulted in the transformation of Chester A. Arthur from a political puppet to a President of considerable integrity and foresight. But what about Lyndon Baines Johnson, who succeeded in enacting measures like the 1964 Civil Rights Act after the death of John F. Kennedy, but was undone by his commitment of American armed forces to Viet Nam. Sure, those are names that are well known, but what about my friend whose sibling stole their parents' trust fund and moved their mother to another state so they learned about the death of their mother in the newspaper, then discovered they had a very virulent form of cancer? Or my other friend who had a child kidnapped but ended up being a federal fugitive though they had not done the things of which they were accused, and then discovered they had a terrible cancer?

Large forces, many of them seemingly beyond comprehension by the human mind, are at work in nature, and sometimes we get in the way of those forces. Sometimes, as in the case of global warming, we interfere at our own peril. Sometimes we can escape and sometimes we can recover, and sometimes we can adapt. Sometimes we can't. What is, is what is. Science is the means by which we come to understand those forces, and ourselves. We are the universe seeing itself, after 14 billion years of existing. This is why I have faith in science: If a theory doesn't work, you change it to match what is empirically observed, rather than trying to impose a framework on the world, which doesn't fit what meets one's senses or scientific instruments. This does not mean that I have no use for religion, for faith. It just means that I understand that I must approach it from an open-ended view. I need to modify or reject a theology or ideology if it does not reflect observed reality. I cannot accept a theology which says the Earth is only 6,000 years, because geology, paleontology, and others all confirm that this is not true. I can not assume to know the truth anymore when observed events contradict a supposition.

This does not mean that I simply reject everything about religion. I have simply come to realize that the Universe is structured without fairness, and not according to what humans find reassuring. "Mother Nature" has no fury, either. Nature simply is. It is up to us humans to bring fairness and justice into being. As Carl Sagan said "For me it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is, than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."

About Me

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I've been a number of things over the years: husband, father, environmental technical specialist, college instructor, carpenter, volunteer firefighter and ambulance driver, student of Lakota and Japanese languages, technical writer, process engineer, research technician, IT technician, emergency dispatcher, etc.